Steam Studios : Monthly Newsletter : January 2005

Steam Studios | 5620 Pats Pt. Winter Park, FL 32792 | Visit us at: www.steamstudios.com

Now we know what you're thinking: "Why on earth would anyone want to open ANY business in Antarctica?" And our answer is threefold:

The South Pole ain't that bad once you get used to the mind-numbing cold.
We're huge fans of whitespace.
Space travel.

With rapid advancement in technology expanding at an unbelievable pace, it's our belief that space travel for the masses is right around the corner. Sooner than you can say "Beam me up Scotty" in Klingon, we'll be taking vacations to Mars, practicing our golf swings on the moon and embarking on glass-bottom shuttle tours miles above the earth.

And what can you expect to see in sub-orbital sightseeing trips around the planet? The Great Wall of China? The Grand Canyon? One word: Boooooring!

Antarctica, and its vast miles of white, snow-covered landscape, provides the ideal "blank canvas" for advertisers interested in interstellar outreach. Why bother gazing at the Great African plains below you, when you can feast your eyes on a giant McDonald's logo drawn into Antarctica's surface with miles (and tons) of yellow food coloring?

Thanks to Steam Studios, Antarctica will no longer be a wasteland of ice, snow and more ice; It will be the largest billboard known to man and extraterrestrial alike!

Keep your eyes peeled in the next few months for more details about this exciting endeavor.

Steam Studios designer Steve McCain was always bothered by the blemish on his right hand's index finger. "I've always been very proud of my relatively hairless knuckles and slender, yet masculine fingers. My hands, with the exception of that stupid birthmark, look as if they've been carved out of marble by Michelangelo himself!"

But as luck would have it, that "stupid birthmark" may hold the key to the greatest mystery in the world. "I was doing a pencil study of a microscope for Popular Science magazine, when, for some reason, I decided to goof off and look at my birthmark at 100x magnification. What I thought was some random blemish, was a very detailed map of the Tibetan mountains, leading to the mystical city of Shangr-La!", Steve continued.

According to legend, Shangri-La is a city that magically appears out of thin air for only one day every 7 years in Tibet. The next "appearance" of this mystical city is a mere two weeks away.

"Yeah, apparently I'm destined to become their king or something", said Steve while picking at his finger. "But I don't get much vacation time and I was really hoping to go to Vegas this year."

As of this writing, Steve still hasn't decided whether to take his place as the ordained ruler of Shangri-La or to gamble away his life savings at the Bellagio Casino in Las Vegas.

In other news...
Samson Cranford has parted ways with the Wu-Tang Clan. It was a difficult decision to make, but Steam Studios' other designer has come to the conclusion that leaving one of hip-hop's most influential super-groups is an idea whose time has come. "I'm gonna miss everybody: Method Man, Ghost-Face Killer, Raekwon..." Samson said while choking back tears.

The decision was spurred on by Samson's desire to focus more of his creativity on Steam Studios. "I was getting really tired of keepin' it real 24/7. And the kung fu movies! I'm SICK of kung fu movies. You'd think they'd want to watch something else, but NO!"

Method Man, founding member, said simply, "Sam put the 'Whoo!' in 'Wu-Tang Clan'."

In our efforts to inform you of every aspect of design, we're going to focus on selling in this installment. That's right! Selling is an integral part of being a great graphic designer. You have to sell your ideas, concepts and abilities to a client before he'll entrust you with a project that could cost thousands of dollars.

And we know what you're thinking: "I'm not good with people." "I hate selling." "The voices in my head won't stop talking about the apocalypse." But fear not! We're here to help you every step of the way...

1. Breaking the ice
Let's say you enjoy sports, but your prospective client's a pet-loving animal fanatic. What are you going to talk about to build up that "comfort factor"? How do you find your "in"? Believe it or not, regardless of how different your client's interests are in relation to yours, you can always find common ground that will allow you to communicate with him in a comfort-inducing, trust-building way. Just take an aspect of something you're familiar with ("sports") and something your prospect's comfortable with ("animals") and find a subject that combines the two. And if you're thinking, "Underground Dog-fighting", congratulations! You're off to a great start!

2. Make it casual
Now that you've found common ground, the next step is to get your prospect out of the office. Why? Because when you say "Hey, I know this really great place that has no-holds betting on Pitbull fights", he'll think "A break from the cubicle hell that I'm currently in? You betcha!" Not only have you crossed the line from seller to friend, but now you're the guy who's liberating him from an afternoon's worth of soul-destroying monotony. Who can say "no" to a friend AND a hero?

3. Deliver the pitch
Picking the most opportune time to say "I want this project" is an artform unto itself, but Steam Studios is going to help make it easier for you. After you've arrived at the illegal dog-fighting match, relax a bit. Take your time, make idle chit-chat (do not bring up anything that might seem like you're trying to sell anything), and let your prospect soak in the sites. In about 10 to 20 minutes, he should be so crazed by the combination of gambling, booze and animal-on-animal violence, that he won't be able to think straight. As he's betting his kid's college tuition on the Pitbull with the Spuds McKenzie birthmark, ask him some seemingly innocent questions that can easily be answered with a "Yes".
You: "Is the sky blue?"
Prospect: "Yes."
You: "Does 2 and 2 equal 4?"
Prospect: "Yes."
You: "Can I have the Firestone account, with full retainer, an extended deadline and all expenses paid?"
Client: "Yes... oh, crap! Wait a minute!"
With a chuckle, remove the tape recorder that had been tucked into your shirt pocket and turn it off with a loud "click", preferably in front of the client's now sweaty brow and blood-crazed eyes.

And that's all there is to it. Now get out there and sell, sell, sell!

		Top 100 April Fool's Day Hoaxes: www.museumofhoaxes.com It seems everywhere we look, we're confronted by list-mania: "The Top 100 Albums of All Time", "The 100 Greatest Movies", "The 100 Most Terrifying Dinosaurs". Enough already! What about a list that actually puts a smile on your face? Check out this list of the best pranks of all time and enjoy a heart-warming chuckle on us. 'Cause we don't know about you, but we're tired of seeing "The 100 ways in which P. Diddy's life is superior to everyone else's."
		The Onion: www.theonion.com You've probably heard this common lament before: "I want to stay informed of current events, but real news is soooo passe. What do I do?" America, we hear your plea. Presenting The Onion, the best fake news on the planet (next to the Daily Show, of course, but their website sucks).
		Tokyo Plastic: www.tokyoplastic.com Umm... we have no idea what this site's about, but it seems like it's supposed to be a techno-fueled, anime-inspired journey into the metaphoric rabbit hole that is the Internet. But enough pseudo-intellectual artspeak. The site's fun and wacky. And at the end of the day, that's what matters most, right? (ps. Check out Drum Machine)

You: "You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you."
Friend: "You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die."

Commence "air swordfighting."

Happy (belated) April Fool's Day, everybody.

In case you couldn't tell, it's one of our favorite holidays over here at Steam Studios. And just because we're a few days late with our newsletter, doesn't mean we couldn't get in on the tongue-in-cheek celebration, right? Also, if anyone pulled off a good prank or two, let us know. We'd love to hear about it! info@steamstudios.com

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